Being grateful.

As I walked down the corridor of a HDB block yesterday evening, I couldn't help but look into the windows. I could see kids playing in the living room, teenagers surfing on the internet and parents watching tv.

I saw one particular apartment that only had an old CRT TV and an overturned carton - which acted as a makeshift table of sorts - in the living room.

I turned to boo to ask, "why is their place so sparsely furnished?". In my mind a scene of people carting home tables, chairs, boxes and plants from Ikea suddenly appeared.

"Because some people don't have a lot of money baby", he responded.

It was a simple and truthful answer.

Hearing the sounds of the television and of kids playing, it all felt very surreal.

I stepped into the lift and looked around again. It was tiny, slightly claustrophic and had a black-and-white printed A4 sheet selling something or another for $1,000.

I kept away from the walls of the lift which was kind of grotty.

And then I felt afraid, and inched closer to him for comfort.

He looked at me, patted my arm and smiled.

The only thing I could think about on the way home was "how, how do they live with people looking in their windows all the time?".

I read online that over 80% of Singaporeans live in HDB flats.

And all of a sudden I felt very sheltered.

I thought of the dinner we had a few weeks back at Ichiban Boshi. I was just in a mood, and went crazy with the food, ordering every other thing on the menu; while he ordered just a soba and tempura set.

15minutes in, it was obvious I wasn't going to be able to finish the food so I started eating just the toppings of the sushi, leaving behind the rice.

He hates wasting food. So he told the waitress to pack up his uneaten soba, and started eating my leftover sushi rice with his tempura.

It made my heart ache to see him eating my leftovers, and I tried more than once to take it away. But he wouldn't let me.

And so I sat there, watching him finish his meal. Never once reprimanding me.

But strangely, in doing what he did, I felt more ashamed of myself than I would have if he had taken to giving me a lecture on how the children in Africa are starving.

Being with him makes me want to be a better person.

Hiccups, bumps and listening.

*poof*

*pop*

*wham*

That's the sound of blueberries and chocolate chips popping out all over the place, and not getting replaced quite as quickly.

I only have so many band aids, and I'm trying to put them to good use. But it doesn't seem to be working. They're falling out quicker than I can patch up the wonky holes.

"He's being unreasonable", she said.

"No she's being unreasonable", he said.

So what happens from here?

I went to a workshop a couple of weeks back. It was about Negotiation Skills. And I was told that the key to this (which can be applied in everything you do) is learning the lost art of listening.

Listening is a tricky thing. It's not the same as hearing, internalising and actioning. And it takes more effort than you think because it means putting aside your thoughts for the moment, and taking on those of someone else's. Finding the meaning in the words, and the motivations behind them.

It's something I'm learning.

And trying to do better.

But it's an uphill battle all the way.

And when I encounter those hiccups and bumps in my journey, I can't help but wonder if the listening is all that important. Does it really matter that every spoken word is addressed?

In fact, does it even really matter if I make my point? Because when you think about it, all that matters is the end game.

So should it matter if what I'm saying is right or wrong?

What's the point of the 'right', when all I really want at the end of the day, is sunshine and chunk-a-lot of happiness.

But again of course, a lot easier said than done.

Is anybody out there?

Hello world. It's been awhile since I wrote. Mostly because work takes up so much of my time and energy.

Tonight I'm going for Marketing's Agency of the Year awards night.

I feel like the past 3years+ of my working life has been a strange journey. It's neither long nor short, but one thing's for sure, I can't claim to be a fresh grad anymore.

I have a love-hate relationship with advertising. It's larger than life, with ego's a-plenty, and lots of people I just want to stomp into the 7th level of hell but yet, I don't know anything else outside of it.

There was a time not too long ago when I tried to take myself out of it. To try something new.

But it wasn't to be, and I found myself right back here.

I've decided now that the only way to survive this is if work made up just 50% of my life. Right now it's closer to 99%, which is why I surmise, when anything goes belly-up at work, it literally sucks the life-force out of me and makes me want to curl up into a ball and die.

So 50% it's going to be.

And we'll take baby steps, starting with muay thai and marathons. Which is ironic because I've gone from killing myself emotionally, to killing myself physically.

Oh well.

At least it's something else.