My day as a taitai-in-training

Got up this morning to the sound of a bleeping phone alarm. Realised it wasn't mine (it's still a revelation each time I realise I'm unemployed and have no need to wake up to go to work), and went back to sleep.

Finally crawled out of bed when I heard the hair dryer going.

It occurred to me that *C had never seen Kaelynn walk (it's quite a new thing for her, and I don't mean 'walk' so much as I mean 'toddle'), so I went downstairs to bundle her up.

I set her gingerly down on the floor, and gestured excitedly to *C to watch her while she toddled over.

He looked at her in half disgust with drool dripping down her chin.

What is it about guys and babies that aren't theirs.

Anyway, a hug and a kiss later and he was off to work.

Me, I crawled back into bed for a wee bit more before getting up.

I'mma gonna take a shower, and then it's off to spend the day a nice chichi-lala day at Rose Veranda with the girls.

We are going to dine, gossip and have tea (they have 102 blends to pick from - free flow !) all afternoon.

Drained

I'm so tired of the job hunt. I think this is where I shall draw the line.

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I get the feeling that this is to be a poignant turning point in my career.

I'm so afraid of falling short, it's always easier when people don't have much expectations of you, but I suppose there always comes a point when that has to change; else you'll always be stuck in the same ol' rut right ?

Whether I turn left or right, I feel like I'm going to be stepping into big shoes.

So whichever way the cookie crumbles, I think it's time to kick it all into high gear and stop with the cruising (and relatively comfy) journey that I've been on for the past year.

But boo will be there, won't you boo ? To catch me if I fall ?

I shouldn't have quit. I really shouldn't have.

I'm beyond depressed, and the rain isn't helping.

And I hate the thought of not being in the same office as Colin anymore.

I don't think I'm going to find my way out of this rut of depression.

And the worst part is that a small (but growing) part of me thinks it doesn't bother him because he's too wrapped up in work to notice anything. Plus he's normal, balance and well-adjusted, unlike me.

Officially a B.U.M

So, I originally thought today (Friday, the 13th) was going to be my last day, but turns out, it's not. It's yesterday (today?), Thursday the 12th - you get my drift.

Why am I not surprised.

It's so surreal, I can't believe that tomorrow, I don't have to wake up and haul my ass off to work.

I won't be able to say things like "working late" or "I don't feel like going into work today" anymore, because there ain't no company I'm accountable to.

It's both daunting and liberating all at the same time.

I told myself I was going to take a break, but naturally, I had to work myself into a frenzy sending out tonnes of resumes - landing myself in a somewhat awkward position now of having to turn down offers that really aren't so suitable and/or has much potential to speak of.

I really should have just kept my fingers to myself. Or maybe busied them playing Bejewelled or something.

Looks like I'm going to have to spend the next couple of days potentially cutting off yet more bridges, while hoping that new ones will form.

I've always been a big believer of fate, of believing that all things eventually find a way of working themselves out.

So I suppose that's what I'm going to have to do now.

Close yet another door - the one with the best offer yet - and hope against hope that I'm making the right decision, for the long haul of course. Strange how it's always about the long haul huh.

For now, I think I just need to breathe, stop hyperventillating and QUIT sending out resumes.

A break might do me good.

Will it ?