Sunday, December 20, 2009

21 Guns

I think these few lines of the song are particularly meaningful.

Do you know what's worth fighting for ?
When it's not worth dying for?
......
Does the pain weigh out the pride ?



Saturday, December 19, 2009

It's been awhile since I've written, partly because I've not been bitten by the writing bug, but mostly just because I don't feel I have anything worthwhile to say.

I'm in a mopey mood tonight.

Just one of those down-in-the-dumps kinda moods.

I attended the wedding of a family friend's daughter the day before, and her father wrote her such a lovely speech.

She has done so much to make him proud; going to Oxford and then Harvard for her MBA, securing a great job, and now meeting a great guy who comes from a similarly pedigreed background.

It was a long speech, and pride was literally oozing from every word he spoke.

It made me think.

I thought real hard and I couldn't think of a single thing I have done that would have brought such pride to my parents. I have always been just mediocre, neither academically gifted, nor exceptionally talented in any way. And now, on a mediocre (or perhaps less than) career path.

And despite my mediocrity, tonight I'm feeling so tired from it all.

Isn't that funny ? I haven't done exceptionally well in any aspect of my life, and yet I'm tired.

What from ?


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

My day as a taitai-in-training

Got up this morning to the sound of a bleeping phone alarm. Realised it wasn't mine (it's still a revelation each time I realise I'm unemployed and have no need to wake up to go to work), and went back to sleep.

Finally crawled out of bed when I heard the hair dryer going.

It occurred to me that *C had never seen Kaelynn walk (it's quite a new thing for her, and I don't mean 'walk' so much as I mean 'toddle'), so I went downstairs to bundle her up.

I set her gingerly down on the floor, and gestured excitedly to *C to watch her while she toddled over.

He looked at her in half disgust with drool dripping down her chin.

What is it about guys and babies that aren't theirs.

Anyway, a hug and a kiss later and he was off to work.

Me, I crawled back into bed for a wee bit more before getting up.

I'mma gonna take a shower, and then it's off to spend the day a nice chichi-lala day at Rose Veranda with the girls.

We are going to dine, gossip and have tea (they have 102 blends to pick from - free flow !) all afternoon.


Friday, November 20, 2009

Drained

I'm so tired of the job hunt. I think this is where I shall draw the line.
_________________________________________________*

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I get the feeling that this is to be a poignant turning point in my career.

I'm so afraid of falling short, it's always easier when people don't have much expectations of you, but I suppose there always comes a point when that has to change; else you'll always be stuck in the same ol' rut right ?

Whether I turn left or right, I feel like I'm going to be stepping into big shoes.

So whichever way the cookie crumbles, I think it's time to kick it all into high gear and stop with the cruising (and relatively comfy) journey that I've been on for the past year.

But boo will be there, won't you boo ? To catch me if I fall ?

Monday, November 16, 2009

I shouldn't have quit. I really shouldn't have.

I'm beyond depressed, and the rain isn't helping.

And I hate the thought of not being in the same office as Colin anymore.

I don't think I'm going to find my way out of this rut of depression.

And the worst part is that a small (but growing) part of me thinks it doesn't bother him because he's too wrapped up in work to notice anything. Plus he's normal, balance and well-adjusted, unlike me.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Officially a B.U.M

So, I originally thought today (Friday, the 13th) was going to be my last day, but turns out, it's not. It's yesterday (today?), Thursday the 12th - you get my drift.

Why am I not surprised.

It's so surreal, I can't believe that tomorrow, I don't have to wake up and haul my ass off to work.

I won't be able to say things like "working late" or "I don't feel like going into work today" anymore, because there ain't no company I'm accountable to.

It's both daunting and liberating all at the same time.

I told myself I was going to take a break, but naturally, I had to work myself into a frenzy sending out tonnes of resumes - landing myself in a somewhat awkward position now of having to turn down offers that really aren't so suitable and/or has much potential to speak of.

I really should have just kept my fingers to myself. Or maybe busied them playing Bejewelled or something.

Looks like I'm going to have to spend the next couple of days potentially cutting off yet more bridges, while hoping that new ones will form.

I've always been a big believer of fate, of believing that all things eventually find a way of working themselves out.

So I suppose that's what I'm going to have to do now.

Close yet another door - the one with the best offer yet - and hope against hope that I'm making the right decision, for the long haul of course. Strange how it's always about the long haul huh.

For now, I think I just need to breathe, stop hyperventillating and QUIT sending out resumes.

A break might do me good.

Will it ?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Is it time for a KitKat break ?

I've been trying to take it easy the whole week, telling myself that I needn't and shouldn't be up till all hours scrambling to apply for all sorts of jobs that I might or might not enjoy.

I think the only jobs I haven't actually applied for yet, are those in advertising, but I sense it's just a matter of time.

I know I shouldn't, not just yet anyway, but I can't help it.

I don't like not knowing what I'm doing next, and the thought of taking a break - well to be honest, kind of freaks me out. Even though a 'break' is what I pine for endlessly when I'm at work.

I guess it's true what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side.

But anyway, I'm trying to exercise some self control and not get myself locked into another job that I might potentially hate, 3 months down the road. I think it's something to do with the thrill of the job hunt, getting that call back, going down for the interview and being told that you've been picked, over all others that have also gone through the same process.

Maybe it's just me, but once I submit an application for a job - even if it's one that I don't necessarily think is quite me - all of a sudden, it turns into the most desirable job in the world and I just want to be picked. Sounds like school all over again doesn't it, nobody wants to be the last kid left standing when all others have been picked to join teams.

Picking up a third language is something I've always wanted to do, and I know if I don't do it now, I probably never will.

Now all I need to do is convince and remind myself that not working for the next few months isn't all that bad if I don't manage to find something that I really want to do.

Yup yup yup.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Looney Lunar !

According to my mom, it's my chinese birthday so I made Cookie wish me Happy Birthday (again!).

The day started good.

I woke up at 845, because I could (normally I wake at 815 at the latest).

And then took my time getting ready, as opposed to rushing, because I could.

Cara came knocking on my door, so I let her in and we spent 5 minutes preening together in front of the mirror before she got taken away for her bath - I think she enjoys my room because I have all sorts of real-girl toys, as opposed to her Elmo's and Piglets.

I finally made it downstairs at 930.

I sat down for my birthday noodles (yellow noodles cooked in a sweet syrupy, ginger sauce topped with longans) with mommy and daddy.

Picked out four lucky numbers for my mom to buy for tomorrow's 4D - apparently the trick is, you have to stand as soon as you've picked out the fourth number, and the person doesn't tell you what the numbers are. So I did - stood and didn't ask about the numbers. I just took my ang bao and said goodbye!

On the way to work, I made Cookie wish me again.

And I finally made it in at 10 to 10 - still earlier than half the office.

I got to my desk, turned on my comp, and another piece of good news awaited in my inbox ! I'm thrilled, I am.

And in another hour, I'm meeting my parents for my birthday lunch at Itacho (at ION).

It's a good day, today.

Hakuna Matata

What a wonderful phrase
Hakuna Matata
Ain't no passing craze
It means no worries, for the rest of your days
It's our problem-free, philosophy
Hakuna Matata


Monday, October 19, 2009

Ungracious much ?

I left work on the dot at 6 today, and headed to the bus stop.

Got on the bus and managed to get a seat - "great !", I thought. Now I can spend the journey home buried in the latest Sophie Kinsella book that Cookie got me, as opposed to staring curiously at the people around me, whilst trying to make it seem that I was really staring into mid-air.

But being rush hour, the bus filled up fast. There was a lady who looked to be in her 20s standing somewhat in front of me, her arm holding onto the pole to my right, allowing me a birds-eye view of her armpit (I'm kidding, she was wearing a sleeved top, so it wasn't direct eye-to-armpit contact).

Anyway, two stops later I found myself eye-to-chest with this old lady. So naturally, I put away my book and gave the seat up to her.

She thanked me and eased into the seat.

She got off before I did, and thanked me again as she was getting off and told me to take the seat.

I smiled at her but before I had a chance to do anything else, who swoops in to plonk herself on the seat but armpit woman - clearly aware that it was I who had vacated said seat.

I found that incredibly rude.

But because I was getting off a couple of stops later, I decided to let it go and instead got my phone out to occupy myself with typing Cookie a text on the rudeness of this woman.




You think ?

I spent the weekend pondering over my options.

1. Go back to Melbourne to do an MBA
2. Go to the US to do an MBA
3. Pursue writing as a career
4. Just take time off to do nothing (by nothing I mean yoga and property)
5. Go to Japan to learn Japanese
6. Find a job, not in advertising
7. Find a job in advertising and continue bitching about it all over again (after all, it's the only industry I've ever worked in, and might I add, one I absolutely killed myself to get into)

With the above in no particular order, I suppose next steps would be organising them in order of priority, and perhaps eliminating a few of them.

My sister never fails to take any opportunity to remind me of the 'bleak times' we live in, but I refuse to be swayed by her opinions. She suffers from the elder-sister syndrome, and feels a need to critique as a means of showing affection so I forgive her all that.

My mother, who might I add, has never worked a day in her life, too rejoices in dishing out unsolicited advice. And let me qualify the above by saying that she's never had an office job - not of course, that I'm insinuating that running a household is not considered work because in a court of law, it's held up as perfectly legit work.

Anyway, my point is this.

It is my life, and therefore should be, my choices.

I don't think that I receive advice ungraciously, but I can't help feeling a little riled up when I'm hit with it at any opportunity. So maybe it's true. Maybe my angst over the past months have boiled over and turned me into one of them know-it-alls who refuses to listen to the better judgement of anyone else.

Just call me Little Miss Know-It-All.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

What's next ?

I did it.

With no plans to speak of next.

I'm feeling both scared and excited all at the same time - scared because I'm afraid that my career has gone to shit, but excited because it's the dawn of a new era (though I'm not quite sure yet what that new era is).

So what's next ?

Who will I be ?

How will my life turn out ?

Your guess is as good as mine.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I've cried my eyes out, and they're now swollen as ping pong balls.

What next ?
Today, with reason, I am feeling well and truly lost.

I'm not sure why or how I got so emotional about the news, but I did, and I cried.

I'm afraid now of what lies ahead.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I logged on to Facebook about ten minutes ago, and the amount of 'Happy Birthday' messages I saw on my wall kinda threw me off.

It was all so very surreal getting well wishes from people I don't normally speak to - some I haven't seen for as long as ten years! - and for someone like me who shuns excessive social contact, it was unnerving.

I didn't know what to do, so I logged off.

I never know how to respond to outpourings of care/concern, especially when I'm the recipient. I think I'm awkward with emotions like that. And this is ironic coming from me, who wants a big wedding where everyone gathers to celebrate my love.

But then there are other more intimate gestures which dont' scare me as much, but rather, they make me feel undeserving.

I got a text message at the stroke of midnight on my birthday, it was from a secondary school friend I have bumped into just once (a few months back on the bus), since 2000. She has apparently been sending me these text messages every year - but she'd been sending them to my old number previously, which explained why I never received any of them.

I also received a bouquet of flowers at 930 in the morning from a dear old friend from my Uni days in Melbourne.

I haven't kept much in touch with either of the two above people, but their kind gestures made me want to burst out in tears.

And then of course I had a thoroughly lovely day with boo. His level of attentiveness to detail never fails to touch me to the cockles of my heart. So thank you baby !

But I'm detracting from what I originally wanted to write about.

Seeing those messages on Facebook made me wonder about mortality. If tomorrow I were to die a sudden death, I'm sure I'd get those same number of messages, if not more on my Facebook page. Making it seem as if I was a well-loved person, when really, that couldn't be further from the truth because I don't like socialising. In fact, I hate it when people get to close - aside from a select few of course.

This is nonsensical babble.

I need to get back to work.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Yesterday night as I was driving home at half past midnight, I had another case of the missing-Melbourne.

I really do miss the place.

I'm not sure exactly what it is about Melbourne that I miss all the time, I definitely spent some of the most lonely and miserable nights of my life there, but still I miss it.

It'll always be my first home away from home.

And I'd really like to go back and see how she is.

In other news, also on my drive back, I couldn't help thinking about my job as well, and what I was planning to do if the talk (when/if it happens) didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.

I thought I had it all figured out, but now I'm not so sure.

A little (alright a large) part of me still believes in karma, happily-ever-afters and the Just World theory. That if I stick with it, and ride through the inevitable bumps of the first few years, things will eventually work out.

"If I just breathe, let it feel the space between, I'll know everything is alright, breath" - Michelle Branch

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Well, it's wednesday and still nothing.

I guess monday didn't turn out to be so defining after all.

I'm disappointed things haven't progressed, and because patience is not a virtue of mine, I'm not sure how much longer I can sit still and wait.

I need an answer.

I need to know.

Now. If possible.

Please ?


Friday, September 4, 2009

Monday is going to be defining.

I think.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

People always say life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear
Or how the road can seem so long
How the world can seem so vast
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you

Friday, August 28, 2009

Going off.

Hi baby,

I decided to do an update on the off-chance that you'd check tonight.
I'm through customs, and waiting to board the plane - as usual, they're running slightly behind, as they always seem to do with budget airlines.

Thanks for coming down with me to the airport even though you were pooped beyond words - you didn't say it, but I could see it in your eyes.

I thought it was particularly cute how you wanted to say you'd miss me, and that you're worried about me going off on my own, but didn't quite want to say it out loud - and direct. Instead, it came out in random lines like "maybe you'll miss your flight".

Truth be told, I like it when you worry sometimes, because you so often maintain a neutral disposition. I suspect that's why I poke you sometimes - you know, just to elicit a reaction, of the emotional variety of course.

Anyway, I am worried about cabbing around on my own there given our bad experiences of getting conned and blackmailed - really, it's such a lawless place! But I'm going to be brave about it, and use it as "training".

After all, if I can't survive cabbing around Bangkok, how am I going to survive our future back-packing plans right !

It's 9,59pm, and they've finally announced that we can board.

I'm going to log off now.

Will text you when I land. And call you when I make it in one piece to the hotel.

Love you.

Sweet dreams.

*pecks you on the forehead*


Saturday, August 15, 2009

Reporting live from C3 (Cookie Central Command).

I've been checking my Facebook page quite obsessively the past couple of days, and I can't decide if I like being part of this hyper-connected clique, or not.

On the one hand, it feels nice to be in touch and reconnecting with friends I haven't spoken to in awhile. But on the other, it feels just a little tedious to keep up with conversations when they're happening all over the place, and you have to check on multiple fronts. Plus I'm not a seasoned user, so I find it hard to keep up with the buttons.

Just looking through the pages of friends and relllies I haven't seen in awhile, I'm amazed at just how differently (though not entirely bad) all of us have turned out. It's surreal when you think about it really. But I guess we've all grown up.

Tomorrow's my 2nd half marathon, and I'm really excited. The only part I'm not looking forward to, is waking up before the crack of dawn, and figuring out the best way to get there. My place is part of the race route, so it's going to take lots of artful dodging to figure out a route to the start point.




Friday, August 14, 2009

Buying tickets online

I went onto the GV website this afternoon to buy tickets for GI Joe. Alas, I got stuck twice at the screen that tells you not to "close or refresh the page".

I haven't bought tickets from GV in a long time - Cathay and Film Garde being my usual haunts these days - but I remember a time when their sites were THE benchmark in cinema sites. Just when did they get so horrid.

Anyway, because I was alone at lunch, and had some time on my hands, I decided to go down to Plaza Sing to get the tickets in person instead - can't remember the last time I did that.

Oh wait I do. Last year, when my sister bought me GV Grand ticket vouchers for my birthday - you should never buy anyone tickets that they cannot use online. I kept it till the day of expiry and ended up having to sit in the first row, watching Australia (a very long movie) from a terribly uncomfortable angle (neck almost at 180degrees).

You know, I have this belief in the Just World theory, and so I always tell myself that good things come to those who wait. I also believe in karma, and abiding by the rules. And unicorns. And advertisements. So I'm probably a nut job.

But like I was saying, there I was, standing in line, thinking to myself what a refreshing change this is. I waited for about 15minutes before it was my turn. I bounced up to the lady and told her that I'd like 2 tickets.

She looked at me and said "5th row from the back".

"urm, ok", I responded meekly.

I paid up, with no inkling how many rows from the front, 5th row from the back was. Took my tickets and went back to the office.

I then went to the site again to see where exactly my seat was in the cinema - and turns out, there were actually more seats nearer the back, but 5th row from the back wasn't too bad, so I guess that was fine, even though it wasn't my preferred.

To save a $1 for the agony of not knowing where your place in the cinema is, is truly not worth the trade off.

You would think (or so I thought), that you'd get better options turning up in person, as opposed to making a purchase online, no ? I mean, I actually WAITED in line. Does that not warrant anything in this just world ?

But whatever.

Never again.

I'm slowly learning it isn't such a just world after all. And that I should take advantage of the little things, where I can. Accidentally got charged less at a store for an item ? Just take it. You won't get rewarded for pointing out the error. These 'accidents' in your favour is the world's way of rewarding you, so enjoy it.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

SBR - 160809

So, I can't believe how quickly time has ticked by.

The Safra Bay Run is this Sunday - flagoff time, 0530 hours at Esplanade Drive.

Did you know, all this time when I was reading about it, I was under the impression that Sheares Bridge (the Sheares Bridge Run is what this used to be called) was the bridge just after the Suntec portion of the Nicholl highway. I drive down that stretch often enough to feel comfortable running it, so it didn't occur to me to check the race route till a couple of days ago.

And holy crap !

Turns out, Sheares Bridge as I know it, isn't actually the bridge on Nicholl highway. It's the ECP ! It starts at Esplanade drive, which means a steep climb up the bridge. *gulps*

I've mostly run on flat ground so I'm wondering just how much of me the upward climb is going to take.

On the bright side, at least I know now so I don't get a rude shock on the day. Besides, it's the first leg of the run so maybe it won't be so bad.

This is going to be my second half marathon, and I'm aiming to beat the time that I clocked for the Stanchart Marathon last year.

And as a 'seasoned' (yes, 1 half marathon and a 10km maketh a 'seasoned' runner in my books - what can I say, I live by standards different to the rest of the world) runner, this is what I know now.

1. Don't try to take public transport there - it's too god damn early. Even the trains aren't running.

2. Get there early so you have time to figure out where the hell the elusive bag deposit is located - and also so you don't realise too late that you have no idea where the actual start point is, and are still plodding across mud (running season always seems to coincide with the rainy season, so the ground is almost always muddy) when the gun goes.

3. A water belt is very handy - for girls, bring a man, so he can strap it on. Me, I just don't like being bogged down by things when I run so said man comes in useful for offloading stuff to. Thirsty, just hold out your hand and he hands you one of the little tumblers from his waterbelt. Sick of your ishuffle, just take it out and hand it over to the man to store in the little empty pocket of his waterbelt (earphones too, so you don't have them flying about your person, sticking to your chest or swatting your face as you bounce along). Need a little sugar boost ? Swat him on the arm and expect him to understand that you want to be fed the little gummy candies in his pocket.

4. Bring a change of clothes and flip-flops to change into post-run, so you can lounge in relative comfort in the blazing heat, whilst above-mentioned man runs around trying to get you a bottle of 100plus from one of the confusingly laid out tents.

5. Take your race bib out of the bag BEFORE depositing it. And after you take it out, hold on to it, and remember that you're holding on to it. I have a tendency to hold on to things, and then forget that I'm holding on to them so I let go without even realising it, till it's too late. Last year, I had to retrace my steps after going into a mini-hissy fit just before the run.

6. You know how I said don't attempt to take public transport there, well, turns out, you shouldn't attempt to drive there either unless you want to be first, stuck in a jam, and second, circling the area looking for parking - a close-to-impossible feat. Plus, who has the energy to drive home after the excruciating run anyway. The best way to get to a run is to badger a parent (or friend) into sending you there, and of course, pick you up after too.

7. Pee at home before the run because you don't want to end up waiting 20minutes for a gross porta-loo whilst trying to navigate tens of thousands of people who are making their way to the start line. Even worse if the urge comes mid-run and you're standing there, watching time tick by whilst runners throng on by.


Those are my 7 tips.

Monday, August 10, 2009

I was just looking through some old Facebook photos I got tagged on, and I think I've aged a lot in the past couple of years.

Growing up, or should I say growing old, is a scary process both physically, and mentally. Your skin starts to sag, your brain starts to slow down.

And then one day you catch yourself wondering, if you've made it anywhere in life..at all ?

That question haunts me almost daily. Twice, on a bad day.

Is this how it's meant to start out ? Slow cruising in the first few years, and then big giant leaps ahead before you hit a plateau sometime in your mid 40s ? Because at the rate I'm going, I'm not sure it feels like I'm going anywhere at all.

Often I wonder, how is it that people are able to afford the things they can.

What is it that they do for a living ? And how did they get there ?

How hard do they slog, and do they really love their jobs/lives ?

Each time I drive home, I go past rows of shiny new houses with mercs, bimmers, audis and even a few lambos parked proudly out front.

Then I think of myself, and my job, and I know, I'll never be able to afford a house here if I keep doing what I'm doing.

But then I think of monkeypants. And I know, that a comfy abode is all we need. Bananas optional.

Pushing 30 now.

Better catch up on my twenty winks so I'm rested to continue climbing this very very steep corporate ladder tomorrow.

Night !

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Happy Birthday Baby !

Tomorrow, my niece Kaelynn turns 1, and we're celebrating with a family dinner at Tetsuya. She'll probably be gorging her face with a tumbler full of porridge the way she normally does, followed by a container of banana puffs.

It's no easy feat maintaining her weight in the top 97th percentile of her age group after all, one has to work hard at stuffing one's face all the time. And I know from personal experience (the stuffing, not the 97th percentile - that status has strangely eluded me thus far) that that's tough. Your mouth gets all achy from the chewing.

But then again, she is eating porridge and a myriad of other melt-in-your-mouth type foods because she's not really able to use her pea-sized teeth yet, so I guess it doesn't ache all that much.

What I really want to say though is, you've grown so quickly baby Kaelynn and are turning into such a pretty little bub. I love how your dimples show when you smile, and the way you're learning to do little things like wave, clap and touch your little grubby finger to my nose - sure, it's still very hit and miss with you at this point, with the wave, clap and touching of the nose, you only seem to respond to it one out of every ten times - but still, I'm really loving watching you learn and grow.

Happy birthday baby !

And just for you, I'm going to eat all the things that you can't eat yet tomorrow at dinner.

Monday, August 3, 2009

He tickles me so.

So today I met the boyfriend at the lift landing to go for lunch and he said "hey baby guess what!" (bouncing, like the little MSN icon on macs do when you get a new message).

"What ?", I asked.

"We have a new colleague! You know, that girl, used to work on KrisFlyer, her, that girl!"

And there I was, looking at him strange because this is coming from him - him who worked on KrisFlyer for more than two years. Between the two of us, if you had to ask either of us about the people who worked on KrisFlyer, you would ask him.

"Which girl ? L, Y ? Who ?"

"You know, you know her !"

Still looking at him strange. "No, I don't believe I do."

"Yes yes you do, you do !", like a bunny on steroids.

Recognition dawning on me, as I recall this girl, let's call her R, who he used to mention working with before I joined the agency.

Now let me just say, he wasn't the best of friends with her but they were alright. They worked together. And he mentioned her in conversations occasionally. He even went for her farewell dinner, I saw pictures on Facebook ! And all this time, whenever he mentions her, he always calls her by her name - R. So it would only be natural for me to assume that he knows her name, no ?

But he did the strangest thing.

He turned to me as I said "do you mean R?", and responded "oh, is that her name ??".

So I looked at him strange again. "Yes", I responded slowly. "I believe that would be her name, as told to me by you."

"No, no, but I don't know her name, I'm not sure what her name is" he insists, at which point he picks up the phone to call one of our ex-colleagues, F. He rambles on with her for a bit, asking if her name was indeed R.

And all this time, I was just walking alongside him thinking "What !?".

Like seriously.

I don't know this girl. Never met her before. I know of her through you. You talk about her once in awhile. Have pictures with her on Facebook, and then you decide that though you always refer to her as R, you're not really sure what her name is ?

He boggles me, he really does.

The night before, we dropped by Cold Storage after dinner so I could browse - I love supermarkets. We wandered over to the section selling face products because he wanted to get a face wash.

He stood there dallying for awhile, wondering out loud why the hell there were at least 3 different variations of face wash from one brand alone - "What is the difference between gel, foam and this exfoliating thing?".

So I explained to him what each did, whilst he stood there looking increasingly confused with a bottle in each hand.

After a bit, I picked up a bottle of Men's Biore wash and said "how about this?"

He responded in all seriousness, "oh no, I can't get that. Do you know, they do animal testing ? They skin rabbits to test on them" and then he goes back to peering at the bottles he had in his hands.

At that point I just felt like squishing him. I mean it doesn't even occur to me to think of things like that consciously - and if you knew us, you'd definitely have me pegged as the more environmental conscious of the two of us.

It was just a tiny moment, but it's precisely tiny random moments like that that tug at my heart strings.

My man really, he's just a wee boy at heart.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Inspired.

So I was just reading this girl's blog, where there was a video of one of my ex-colleague's boyfriend finishing up the 84km adidas sundown ultra marathon. 

All through his race she was there, right behind him, on her bike.

She came here with him from Germany awhile back, and just watching her follow him on her bike is truly inspirational. 

You can practically feel the love emanating from the video - and I'm sure they're going to have their happily ever after.

Anyway, they've definitely inspired me. 

10km adidas sundown marathon - done !

next up - 21km Safra Bay Run in August.

Time to start training again.

"pain is temporary, quitting is forever" - so she quotes.  

Totally.

You know why I started getting excited about taking part in marathons ? Because it was something that I could be proud of. My work (long hours, measly pay) often makes me question my choices, and I can't escape the feeling that I've come so far, only to be so mediocre in life. 

But when I take part in marathons (granted it's only been two), there's a sense of achievement and satisfaction - something that I don't often derive from other aspects of my life. 

Pushing through that feeling when I'm halfway through a run thinking about giving up, and knowing that I'm going to finish this no matter how long it takes is an incredible feeling. 

And just like that, it makes me feel like maybe I'm not such a complete failure in life.

Maybe I should have studied harder back in school, and maybe I should have selected a different major in uni, and maybe I should have pursued a different career path, I don't know, but all I know is that inertia is keeping me from trying something different. As much as I think my job isn't all that satisfying, I know I'd also hate the feeling of switching careers and having to start from the bottom all over again. And I'd hate even more, the feeling of knowing that I never even got very far in this career before giving up.



Thursday, May 28, 2009

New beginnings.

Today I closed a chapter in my life, but as with all things - this ending is followed by a new beginning.

I'm truly grateful for the friends I've made in this place - that's right, friends, not just colleagues - and I'm touched that they bothered to put together a 'farewell TBWA game' just for me.

I'm really going to miss the agency, and all the people that I've come to know and love\hate (you know the feeling, it's a love\hate relationship).

Now it's time to get out there and experience all the incredible things, life has to offer.

'go'.

(this 'go' campaign will haunt me for a long time to come, especially since my farewell card and game was all centered around it).

But all the same, I love the brand. I've loved it from the first day I started work on it a little under 2 years ago. It is afterall, the universal currency of life.

It truly is.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I used to think that there was so much I wanted to do with my life.

I wanted to fly high, and see lots. I wanted to travel the world, live in a big city, and have a kickass career. Maybe own my own business.

And the voyeur in me only made it so much worse - it used to be blog surfing, these days it's Facebook. I'd often look at pictures of people's fabulous lives of parties and booze, supplemented by their high-flying 'banking' jobs and whatnot, and I'd wonder to myself how I got to be so medicore in life.

But tonight, as I'm tossing in bed and unable to get to sleep, I'm inclined to look at it from a different point of view.

I'm not sure that this is really what I want in life.

And as a matter of fact, I'm not sure what I want at all.

What's becoming slowly apparent is my envy these days stem not from looking at the pictures of people who seem to have it all - the beautiful, eloquent, rich ones who mix with other beautiful, eloquent rich ones. But rather, the ones who radiate true happiness in their pictures. The ones who don't let their lives be ruled by labels and looks.

I envy people who are natural 'people-persons'. I used to be like that, but it was oh-so-long ago.

I love to death my girls, but just sometimes, I wonder what it'd be like to have a slightly larger group to do things with.

I think I'm rambling, and I'm not at all sure what I'm trying to get at.

Like everyone else, I'm just trying to make my way in life. Figuring out who I am, and where I fit in. And I can only hope that the person I'm growing into, isn't someone I'll come to resent one day, much further down the line.

Good night world.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

adidas Sundown Marathon: 13 days to go

And just like that, we're close to finishing up the first half of the year.

It seems like forever ago that I signed up for the adidas Sundown Marathon, and now there's less than 2 weeks to go.

I keep telling myself I'll survive the run. Of course I will.

"I can, I will." - taken from the staff training manual of a certain airline that the boy's working on at the moment, this line just absolutely cracks me up.

And if I can't, "I will say 'no' the 'yes' way".

Whatever does it mean anyway.

Ever since my brother-in-law learnt how to upload songs to his iPod, it's been a early-90s Mandarin/Cantonese song marathon every weekend when I go over to play mahjong. Think Emil Chau and Jacky Cheung.

For some reason, that era of songs always make me a little melancholy. Or maybe it's just Chinese songs in general - very emo.

One of the songs I've particularly taken to is 'Feng Yu Wu Zu' by Emil Chau.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9b4Pnpbx4Q&feature=related

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Saturday musings.

It looks all bright and cheery out today, you almost can't tell that it was pouring just half an hour ago.

I know I should be a little more excited with a new job coming up, but I can't help feeling drained by my current still, even though there's only 2 more weeks of it to go.

I want to get myself a new notebook to start a new chapter in my life. I think that's what I'll do.

And a new macbook too while I'm at it - I wish.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Melbourne

Was doing some random blog surfing whilst waiting for my nails to dry.

Came across a blog.

A girl's going to Melbourne for a holiday, and she asked for people to leave comments on where to go, and what to do there.

I read through the comments, and oh how I miss the place.

It was truly my first home away from home, and the place where I did most of my growing up.

I developed a better relationship with my parents, and learnt to appreciate the notion of family that little bit more.

I learnt to drive, and got my very first car - my baby giant.

I learnt to use the washing machine, and the rice cooker (I can cook, I just never had to use a rice cooker before Melbourne and that ain't my fault - my mother is a blast from the past. Still uses a crock pot to cook rice and charcoal to boil soup.).

I learnt that non-electric kettles, should never be left on the fire, in the apartment, whilst you go downstairs to get the mail/take your rubbish out to the chute - I had self-locking doors and because I lived alone, it was A$150 every single bloody time I let the door close on me. I remember many a-time just standing outside my door, hearing the kettle whistle whilst waiting for the locksmith to arrive with my fingers crossed, hoping the apartment wouldn't get burnt down.

Luckily it never did.

I learnt that dishes pile up in the sink really quickly.

I learnt not to put all my clothes in the dryer - most of my pants became three-quarts, and my tees - mid-rift baring little things.

I know now some things can be put in the dryers, and others can't.

I learnt that statistics suck - you know how there's always a margin of error that's allowed on production ? My washing machine was in that margin of error and more than once, did it end up flooding my toilet.

And the repair guy's explanation - "these things happen, margin of error".

I never felt more lonely and alone than I did when I was there, but I wouldn't swap it for anything else.
It's where I learnt to fend for myself.
It's where I got to know myself.
And it's where I really grew up.
I miss the place.

I miss going to Coles in the middle of the night, and picking out my favourite toilet paper. I miss Mondays at Coles - that's when all the tabloids came out (NW was my favourite, but I don't buy them in Singapore - too expensive). I miss not buying grapes because they cost $14.75/kg. I miss buying rocket leaves for $1.99. I miss the South Melbourne market, and the Sweetheart cafe across the road. I miss the Yarra river. I miss walking along Southgate. I miss going to Crown. I miss hearing the fire roar at the head of every hour. I miss driving along King Albert Park towards St Kilda's beach. I miss watching the sunset from King Albert Park on the way home from school - I always turned off to take that route, rather than the 'faster' straight route (according to Jem - though I think my way's more scenic, and it feels faster to me). I miss pumping petrol once every fortnight - and challenging myself to see how long I could go without having to pump petrol. I miss always having my moonroof exposed so that the car would always be filled with a little ray of sunshine/moonlight. I miss driving to Chadstone, and popping into Peter Alexander followed by CottonOn. I miss the instant noodles from the Dessert Cafe in Chinatown. I miss garlic steamed oysters from Pacific House in Richmond. I miss the sushi rolls from SushiSushi. I miss walking to the city on my own, and just strolling through all the 'little' streets (I say 'little' because every other street is 'little x' - so for example it's Bourke Street, then little Bourke street, then Lonsdale, then little lonsdale - but they really are little, so maybe that's what inspired the names) and exploring the eclectic mix of shops that are hidden there. I miss the Vietnamese beef noodles. I miss cooking minced beef every possible way. I miss frying my rice with luncheon meat, egg and apples (yes apples, it's yummy - or at least I think so). I miss Australian rice - it's the short, fat-grained type rice, just like Japanese rice. I miss the peace and tranquility of life there. I miss the anonymity of life there.

And most of all, I miss not feeling like I'm being scrutinised by the type of car I drive, what I'm wearing, where I'm staying or what brand bag I'm carrying.
I miss how everyone is making their own way in life there - you can get a full time job. Or not. You can just work at Coles if that makes you happy.
Either way, you'll survive a decent life.
And that's the most important lesson I learnt there - that your life is a series of choices that you make and you should do what makes you happy because at the end of the day, no one's going to live your life but you.
So don't let others make you feel small, and don't let yourself be judged by the image of others.
Just be a little more oblivious, look in the mirror 2 times less a day and just be happy to be who you are.

Monday, April 20, 2009

go home now little pigeon

Update
Ok, so I didn't go running. oops. Wednesday, I promise !!


Original Post
We did our first semi-real run/jog/walk yesterday evening, since the Stanchart Marathon waaay waaay back in December.

Needless to say, it left me completely pooped beyond pooped.

I left work a little after 6pm, with the intention of going on another such run - no time to waste, the Sundown Marathon is coming up in a little over a month.

It's 830pm now, and I'm still on my bed, watching Weeds.

This absolutely will not do.

In 20minutes, I'm going to pluck my lazy behind off my bed, change into my shorts and tee and go for a run/jog.walk.

Perseverence !

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Sweets for my sweet.

I've been having lots of cravings for sweet stuff lately, and that's pretty strange because sweet stuff usually makes me want to hurl - personally, I prefer savoury stuff (like cheese, parma ham).

A nice tub of Haagen-dazs chocolate ice-cream right now would be perfect.

:(

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Bangkok!

So just like that, my 4 + 5 (weekends + the Good Friday holiday) days of blissful R&R is over. Where did it all go ?

Let's see.

The last Friday before we went off was hectic.

First there was the handover at work, and then sending out tonnes off emails to ensure (well, to whatever degree I can ensure it anyway) that the wheels kept spinning whilst I was away (because apparently, time waits for no man and work still needs to be done whether you're happily away on holiday, or sick in bed).

But finally, I sent out my last email, turned on my 'Out of Office' notice and was done.

We went over to his place.

Packed for ages, because he wanted to bring EVERYTHING ! Not that I'm complaining. The Zambuk (used it the very first night, after getting bitten half to death at the restaurant where we got conned - but that's another story), flu meds (for him) and Poh Chai Yin (for him again) were put to good use.

By the time we got back to my place to pack, it was almost midnight and I just wanted to crawl into bed. But alas, no such pleasure because we had to be at the airport at some unearthly hour (8am I think it was) the very next morning.

So I packed.

Yup I did.

Everything nicely into a wee little wheely bag.

Said 'wee little wheely bag' of course wasn't able to accommodate my 4 full days worth of shopping of course but thankfully he had the foresight to bring along his huge bag.

Secretly, I knew all along my shopping was never going to fit into the 'wee little wheely bag' (are you kidding, it's BANGKOK ! Home of the mythical Chatuchak market where everything supposedly costs $2 - you know how it is whenever you buy something at FEP, and people tell you "in Bangkok, it's only $2!". So anyway, we found out it cost closer to $10, but hey, still a bargain!), but I knew he was bringing the bigger bag and that I was going to hijack the space, and that he would never deny me - so we were all good to go !

We got to the airport bright and early. Checked in, had a quick Maccas breakfast and were in Bangkok in a blink of an eye.

The trip was completely awesome - I did things I never would have done before. We took the train, and even the bus where we were crammed to within an inch of our lives but I lived to tell the tale. Buses there are amazing. They have bus conductor ladies who squeeze in and out of the throngs of people collecting the fare, and unlike the buses here in Singapore - the buses continue driving with the doors open, as people run after and hop on to the bus.

It's all very fluid.

We got lost after we got off the bus, and we walked in the rain for an hour whilst my legs got splattered with mud and leaves. And all the while, he's carrying a backpack full of my shopping without a single word of complaint.

There wasn't even so much as an "I told you so" when I insisted that we were walking in the right direction, and wouldn't listen to him, or agree to hop into a cab/tuktuk.

He told me later when we got back to the hotel that I looked so absolutely determined to 'rough it' and figure out the way (we've been talking about me learning to 'rough it' so he can take me backpacking) that he couldn't bear to spoil my fun, so he just let me lead the way.

I love him for being patient with me, the way he is.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Perseverence is key.

I feel like I'm going round the mulberry bush here. Are these 'instructions' the first line of defence to weed out the insincere, and the ones who are incapable of following up on simple instructions ?

Maybe it is.

But regardless, sending you another email in the 3rd week of May and then following up again in the summer ?

I can do all of that.

Like I said, perseverence is key.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Xiao jie na wu mao lai.

This afternoon, the boyfriend and I decided to have wanton mee for lunch.

He's running for MP, so I let him place our orders and do his usual outrageous flirting with the auntie (he thrives on it).

The noodles cost $3 each, but he decided that we should have more veggies coz the government says it's good for us. So we added a $1 of veggie each.

The total came up to $8.40 - 20cents (each) additional for the plastic container.

Fair enough (no boo, you can't use it to deflect conversation and make me believe you're listening when you're not).

After handing over $8.40 to the auntie, he went off to buy something else, leaving me to collect the noodles.

Mid-way whilst packing, the auntie says to me, "xiao jie na wu mao lai.".

Me: *thinking she can't be talking to me, just ignores her*
Auntie: *persists in an irritated tone* xiao jie na wu mao lai!
Me: *stunned, and just hands over the money meekly, all the while wondering why*
Auntie: *doesn't offer any explanation. hands me my noodles and dismisses me*
Me: *walks off confused*

I spent most of lunch trying to figure out what the additional 50cents was for - but you know what, I can only conclude that I was cheated because I have absolutely not a clue what else I'd need to pay for.

So much for standing up for my rights, and not being 'cheated' - referring to the post before last on our cinema 'incident' with the chick who didn't have change.

Oh well.

Side note: Went to the Chinese sinseh today and got stabbed and jabbed all over. I'm aching so badly I don't think I'll ever walk again. :(

Sunday, March 1, 2009

The weekend.

The weekend got off to a rocky start on Friday evening when I (me, myself) decided that we (myself and him) were warring.

It ended in a hurtful truth session, where he went on a verbal rampage and spilled his guts. Each statement more cutting than the next.

But still, I'm glad he did what he did because at the end of the day, we're only human (both him and I) - with very real feelings.

I think this is the start of a new chapter :)

Side note: Sushi attempt 2 - failed.

Monday, February 23, 2009

A sulk.

Yesterday, the boy and I (and by that I do mean 'us'. he's not whipped, he just enjoys his chick flicks. the same way he likes filing his nails.) caught He's Just Not That Into You.

Loved it !

And I teared (sobbed silently) - at this particular scene when Ben Affleck proposed to Jennifer Aniston. It was too sweet for words.

First he didn't want to get married because he didn't believe in the institution of marriage. He just wanted to be with her. But she wanted to get married, and so gave him an ultimatum.

They split up.

Her father got a stroke. He was there for her. And that's when she realised that despite it all, she did love him and all she really wanted, was just to be with him - married or not.

She told him so. And they got back together.

A day later - he proposes.

He said to her, (I can't remember word for word, but it went something along these lines) "I realised that the only way for me to even have a chance in hell of being happy, is for you to be happy. So will you marry me?" - I think I completely melted at this juncture. I can only say, I'm glad I was wearing waterproof mascara.

Anyway, coming back to the title of this entry - I had a sulk before the movie.

This is what happened.

The boyfriend had a package voucher he redeemed with his M1 points. The voucher entitles you to two movie tickets, and a $1 off a combo package.

We queued at the box office downstairs for about 20minutes, before reaching our turn. We then waited another 10minutes whilst the counter dude walkie-talkied with his colleague upstairs, trying to figure out how to process the order. He finally gave up and sent us upstairs.

So upstairs we went - via the elevator, not actual stairs (they don't have stairs at The Cathay, or not any that we bothered to find/climb). We queued up again at the counter upstairs for about 10minutes. Girl at the counter too couldn't figure out which buttons to press, so she called a colleague over to help.

After giving us our tickets, she sent us on our way but I said that I'd like to get the $1-off voucher - thinking that it'd be literally that, a voucher that we could then take to the popcorn counter to use, should we decide to do so later.

She couldn't figure it out, and had to call another colleague over to help.

After some fiddling of the buttons, they figured it out and asked us for $5.80. At this point, I hadn't decided if I wanted the popcorn combo and so I said (whilst she was still fiddling round with the buttons - not sure why since she already told us the price) "you know what, it's ok. I don't think I really want it.".

At this point, the boyfriend stepped in and said "it's ok, we'll take it".

To which I replied, "but you don't even want it. so why are you taking it?"

him: it's ok. let's just take it alright?
me: alright fine
him: *hands over $6*
me: *standing aside feeling annoyed for some reason*
counter girl: i'm sorry, i don't have change
him: *feels around in his pocket for change, doesn't find any*
him: you know what, it's ok. keep the change (20cents)
me: *feeling inreasingly annoyed*

us: *walks away from the counter with me building up to a full blown sulk*

him: *continues telling me some happy story about his army days, oblivious to the brewing storm*
me: *kinda ignoring him, whilst seething in my head and replaying the scene over and over in my mind, getting increasingly pissed off whilst doing so*
him: are you ok boo ?
me: *lashes out - this doesn't end till a good half hour later when i cool down after being placated with two cheese buns from BreadTalk*

I know it was only 20 cents, and I know he was just trying to be nice to the poor counter girl, fumbling with those stupid buttons.

But it just pissed the shit out of me.

Firstly, they're in the bloody retail business - it's their job to have change. How can you run a retail business and not have change - do you expect all your customers to tell you to keep the change ? Secondly, I didn't feel the least bit sympathetic towards her - we weren't mean or nasty. In fact, I was smiley and nice about the whole thing (up until I got pissed off) so why should I be obligated to buy something I don't really want, just to make her life a little easier - it's her god damn job.

In the past two years since I've started working in advertising, I've become increasingly unsympathetic towards people in the service/retail industry who don't seem to have a clue doing what they're (meant to be) doing (why companies don't instill proper training programmes is just beyond me, given that good service forms the foundation of their business and is what consumers would come back for).

So anyway, I sulked for about half an hour before finally coming to the conclusion that it wasn't so much the girl that I was mad at, but rather my job. How I seem to have to play babysitter to everyone, on top of doing my job. The blurred line between babysitting, and my actual job scope bothers me.

Bah.

A hug and a movie later - I was all smiles and bubbles again.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Moody.

It's been awhile since I last wrote.

I'm feeling a little moody tonight, but not in an overwhelming way - just something in between.

I hate feeling this way. It's awful.

And I hate feeling needy.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I will never stick my hand in a tissue box again.

I stuck my hand in a box of tissues earlier (you know how when the tissues have almost run out, you have to put your hand in to pull the pieces out) and felt something kinda solid along with my tissue.

I took one loook at it and dropped it on the floor.

It was a lizard.

A lizard !?!

They terrify the shit out of me, and sit high on my most-feared icky-creatures list - second only to rodents of the furry variety (rats, mice, hamsters, chinchillas and rabbits).

*shudders*

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Bored Games.

The boyfriend and I engaged in a friendly (or just slightly competitive) bout of 'bored' (his term - see, I give credit where credit's due) games tonight, which ended in a draw.

We played four games in total:
1. Jenga (he won)
2. Othello (I won)
3. Connect 4 (I won)
4. Jewel Quest (he won)

Jenga started with a little bit of friendly ribbing - him trying to blow over the tower when it was my turn, and me trying to nudge him when it was his - but I concede that he earned his victory fair and square.

The claws started to come out in Othello. I still don't understand how he acquired that first corner, and I'm certain it was captured under dodgy circumstances (like when my back was turned or something) because one moment I was happy that he had put the piece in that spot, and the next thing I knew - he had the first corner ! Still, good (me, white) rightly triumphed in the end. A classic Disney tale of good trumping the bad (him, black). So I won, despite his underhand ways.

We moved on to Connect 4. And being the sore loser that he is, negated my gloating by putting on an air of indifference, dismissing the game as insignificant because he doesn't usually play it to begin with. I know right, how low can you go !

Finally, having run out of physical games we moved on to Jewel Quest on Yahoo games. In a bid to ensure that he won this one (or risk losing in the overall challenge of the 'Bored' games to me - and me holding it over him for ages to come), cunningly refused to divulge the rules of engagement. He won partly through cunning and partly through a fluke - because his board allowed for more consecutive jewel blasts than mine. Or so I say.

But in spite of his lack of healthy competitive spirit - all the cheating...tsk tsk - it was a good night and a nice way to spend the first weekend in the new year. 

Welcome 2009. I foresee many great things ahead this year :)


PS: You know I'm only kidding boo!