I logged on to Facebook about ten minutes ago, and the amount of 'Happy Birthday' messages I saw on my wall kinda threw me off.

It was all so very surreal getting well wishes from people I don't normally speak to - some I haven't seen for as long as ten years! - and for someone like me who shuns excessive social contact, it was unnerving.

I didn't know what to do, so I logged off.

I never know how to respond to outpourings of care/concern, especially when I'm the recipient. I think I'm awkward with emotions like that. And this is ironic coming from me, who wants a big wedding where everyone gathers to celebrate my love.

But then there are other more intimate gestures which dont' scare me as much, but rather, they make me feel undeserving.

I got a text message at the stroke of midnight on my birthday, it was from a secondary school friend I have bumped into just once (a few months back on the bus), since 2000. She has apparently been sending me these text messages every year - but she'd been sending them to my old number previously, which explained why I never received any of them.

I also received a bouquet of flowers at 930 in the morning from a dear old friend from my Uni days in Melbourne.

I haven't kept much in touch with either of the two above people, but their kind gestures made me want to burst out in tears.

And then of course I had a thoroughly lovely day with boo. His level of attentiveness to detail never fails to touch me to the cockles of my heart. So thank you baby !

But I'm detracting from what I originally wanted to write about.

Seeing those messages on Facebook made me wonder about mortality. If tomorrow I were to die a sudden death, I'm sure I'd get those same number of messages, if not more on my Facebook page. Making it seem as if I was a well-loved person, when really, that couldn't be further from the truth because I don't like socialising. In fact, I hate it when people get to close - aside from a select few of course.

This is nonsensical babble.

I need to get back to work.