I've always been moved by music, and at almost every significant moment in my life there has been an accompanying soundtrack.

Right now it's Fall For You.

And I can't repeat that enough.

"This is not what I intended, I always swore to you I'd never fall apart.

You always thought that I was stronger,
I may have failed but I have loved you from the start."

I guess you could say I'm emotional like that.

I think the reason I always latch on to a song of the moment is not because I'm trying to express the way I feel. But because I feel the song represents how I hope the other person feels/will feel about me, without me having to spell it out explicitly.

I love words, they mean a lot to me. And I look for hidden depths and meaning in all of it.

It's what compels me to listen to a song over and again to fully grasp the significance of its lyrics, to prefer books over movies, and to love receiving the written word whether it's by hand, email, a text or otherwise.

I love being on the receiving end of words because it means someone's taken the time to craft a message just for me. So it has to mean something. As opposed to nothing.

I spent some time reading my past entries a couple of weeks back. It's something I've never felt inclined to do in the past because I don't like reading my writing. It makes me cringe and feel slightly vulnerable.

But I forced myself to.

And going through them I could genuinely feel the happiness of each word I put down.

Writing used to be an outlet for me when I was feeling down or had something happy to share. And though I'm updating a lot these days, I'm never really sure how much or even what I want to say. Because spelling it out makes it too real. So instead, I settle for logging on and filling this page with abstract bits of random thoughts.

I don't feel I'm writing from the heart - whether it's happy, or otherwise. And that there's no soul to these words.

For now anyway.